"I see Jesus in you face"

Inspiration does not always hit at the seemingly most convienient moments but for whatever reason I am busting to share an experience I had yesterday and hope it will be a blessing. And what do you know? Gideon (4) is playing with a friend, Elijah (17months) is sleeping and Caden (3 1/2 months)is bouncing contendedly watching me type! Holy spirit anyone?

Yesterday I woke up...less then joyful. Unmotivated, unhappy, bad attitude. I wanted to sit on the couch and just hide and be selfish and shame on me after a SECOND blessed night of sleep! But I had plans and I knew I would feel so badly later if I gave into selfishness. So by the Holy Spirits power I pulled on a giant sweatshirt, left my seat pants on, zombied my way through the kiddo's morning routine and loaded into the car. The whole day was filled with unexpected and sweet surprises. A coffee bought for me in the morning, a smiling friend and her adorable fuzzy puppy, fellowship with a very dear friend on the eve of her marriage, unexpected motivation to make some meals with enough to freeze for later as gifts and a superb burst of energy in the afternoon! Enough to take my kids to the park! It was gorgeous out! Gorgeous, sunny, breezy a cool fall day! I took off my flip-flops and raced my four year old to the play ground and bounded happily through the play structures (and just a side note; I generally don't like going to the park. I get bored SO fast and so tired of chasing Elijah and pushing swings. Its a true sacrifice of love I practice for my kids and not as often as they would like I'm sure)

There was an older gentleman there with his grandaughter and we talked about the unceasing energy of little children and the beautiful weather. I was so happy to have some energy and enjoy this moment with my kids I probably looked outrageously and annoyingly happy. One of those people that make you roll your eyes on some days like "what is she on?" Well, after sometime as this gentleman prepared to leave, he said "Just in case you didn't know, Jesus loves you" "I DO know!" I said "I knew it!" He exclaimed, "I can see Jesus on your face! Have a great evening"

Glory be to God! Thank you Jesus that you got Glory and recognition! It was NOT because I "Had it all together" or even looked put together. In fact, I was STILL wearing those huge sweats and a look in the mirror revealed a ponytail falling out with hair shooting out all directions. Black mascara from THE DAY BEFORE! Smeared under my eyes and a major need of some eyebrow tweezing! No, it was not my cute outfit or nice face that showed this man Jesus. It was the Joy that was shining out by the Holy Spirit alone. The laughter and sweet words exchanged between my kids (Don't worry, even they weren't perfect, Elijah threw a nice little tantrum!) I praise Jesus that He lives in my heart and that He can shine in my weak selfish self. Of all that was accomplished in my day yesterday, God recieving glory in that moment impacted me more than anything else.

God be Glorified in all of your weak moments today!!

P.S. Please don't take this as any sort of bragging except bragging of Jesus. It truly is just meant to encourage anyone who might wonder if others could possibly see God Glorified in them when they are downright spent! And feel free to roll your eyes and wonder what I'm on...I wonder sometimes myself! I'm a crazy!

"Mountain Top" VS. "Valley"

Wow, another one already! You guys aren't going to want to read this much stuff from me but my mind and heart are so full of oh so many things lately and I just feel lead to post this follow up of my last post as I sit in tears after a very long long night!

 My 1-year-old woke up at midnight, daddy decided to let him cry it out.  My 4-year-old who was actually sleeping in his own bed woke up because of his brothers crying and so came to bed with us leading to the 3 month-old waking up from all the commotion and wouldn't stop screaming til I nursed him. All I could think about was how many more nights of this was I going to have to survive? Why can't my 1 year-old stay alseep at night? How was this interrupted sleep going to effect my day because the 4 year-old stayed awake with me as long as the 1 year-old was crying (so back to sleep a couple HOURS later)and would probably need a nap at some point during the day which really did not fit in well with my "plan" As I pondered these questions I started to become very frustrated. Frustrated that all I wanted was to sleep at night and actually feel rested and like a normal functioning human during the day. I would take just 4 hours of straight sleep over the broken up 7 that translate to me catching an hour here a few minutes there and then a couple more before time to wake up for my "quiet time"I started thinking about how betrayed I was feeling that my last few mornings in the word and prayer were not nearly as exciting inspiring or exhilaratingly (not a word, but whatever) close to God as those first few and as a result, my days were not as thrilling. My days were real hard. Filled with the holy Spirit? Yes. Easy? Absolutely not! Feelings of total inadequacy and a wee bit of caos? Yep. And even moments I had to wonder if my sweet children were Satans demons out to destroy me...bein real here folks. Guys, I even straight up lied to someones face about something extremely stupid trying to make myself feel better about how little control I have over my life and had to go back and CONFESS! Can I get any lower? (The part where I actually confessed is the sign of the Holy Spirit let me tell ya. Would not have done THAT walking in the flesh!) Well anyway, my eyes came across this little devotion for the day in "my utmost for his highest" that I will just go ahead and post because I am sure we all could benefit and you can see how the Lord answered part of my musings.

. . . Jesus took . . . them up on a high mountain apart by themselves . . . —Mark 9:2

We have all experienced times of exaltation on the mountain, when we have seen things from God’s perspective and have wanted to stay there. But God will never allow us to stay there. The true test of our spiritual life is in exhibiting the power to descend from the mountain. If we only have the power to go up, something is wrong. It is a wonderful thing to be on the mountain with God, but a person only gets there so that he may later go down and lift up the demon-possessed people in the valley (see Mark 9:14-18). We are not made for the mountains, for sunrises, or for the other beautiful attractions in life— those are simply intended to be moments of inspiration. We are made for the valley and the ordin

ary things of life, and that is where we have to prove our stamina and strength. Yet our spiritual selfishness always wants repeated moments on the mountain. We feel that we could talk and live like perfect angels, if we could only stay on the mountaintop. Those times of exaltation are exceptional and they have their meaning in our life with God, but we must beware to prevent our spiritual selfishness from wanting to make them the only time.

We are inclined to think that everything that happens is to be turned into useful teaching. In actual fact, it is to be turned into something even better than teaching, namely, character. The mountaintop is not meant to teach us anything, it is meant to make us something. There is a terrible trap in always asking, “What’s the use of this experience?” We can never measure spiritual matters in that way. The moments on the mountaintop are rare moments, and they are meant for something in God’s purpose.

 

Lots still on my heart and mind but GOD IS SO GOOD! Blown away by how He speaks to us! And He is so good, I even feel a wee bit of exhileration admist the plight that is another sleep deprived day. 

Peace ya'll, I'm out!

Just some things on my heart I thought I would share

So this blog post is the result of reading another blog post and the funny progression of thoughts it lead to which ends with me blogging since I guess its what the cool people do, and I want to be cool too : ) Of course, its not actually a blog but a facebook note I put in blog form just in case someday, I feel like writing again! So my "uncool" status remains intact.
It started with the innocent reading of an excellent post about church and our need for it. Honest, real, true and well written. I re-read it a few times to really commit it to my heart, THEN I decided to check out the personal blog of the author. GREAT blog. Wisdom, truth, funny. The author is a young woman like me, a mom enjoying her firstborn son who is 4 months, just a couple weeks older than my 3rd son. This woman seeks after God, is very passionate and has a lot of neat interests! Here is the tricky part. Here is where a strange progression began. A progression that so easily ensnares me and I would venture to say ensnares many of us. You see, as I began reading the fantastic words of this sister in Christ, I stopped listening and started comparing. Instead of the truth, encouragements and blessings of the words, I saw: "hiking" "running" "camping" "reading" "writing" "baking" "surfing" 'only gained 30 pounds while pregnant (say wha...t!) and on the list goes. This woman is in no way trying to brag, just speaking honestly and openly about her life but my mind wanted so badly to wander to a place filled with negative thoughts about myself and how I am dumb and never studied philosophy. Um, I barely finished high school! And now the poor grammar, spelling and punctuation is making more sense isn't it? And its in no way a 'dis' (pardon the slang) on my faithful homeschooling mama, I just put a lot more time and effort into babysitting then lessons. Simple as that, I take full responsibility! But back to my point! I thought about how boring my interests are. Make that 1 interest...I kinda like to decorate cookies! I USED to be an exercise freak but settle now for a 20-40 minute rush-through-what-I can-kind of routine that suits this season I am in. I weigh 30 pounds more than I should and my baby is over 3 months old. I am not the smartest, not the funniest, not the best dressed, not the most interesting, or the most organized the most spiritual or wise. Again, the list goes on, I am simply simple 'ol me. I struggle daily with the enormous responsibilities to be faithful in raising my 3 beautiful boys in a Godly biblical way. I fail daily at what sometimes feels like EVERYTHING! I let my kids eat on the couch while watching a movie, I eat chocolate for lunch instead of the salad I should have eaten, I give in to laziness instead of discipline at times, Sometimes I wish I could afford to send my kids away for someone else to play with and teach for a while so I can rest which translated means lay on the couch in sweats and watch episode after episode of Gilmore girls and eating nothing but ice cream and jerky all day which, admittedly, I have done (my special interest haha) AND my 4 year old still sleeps in bed with us! I am stupid about fashion and hate that I cut my hair and it makes me feel ugly and I daily fight the urge to go on a crazy shopping splurge settling instead on some new toy from "buy sell trade" or raiding Dollar tree for nick nacks that fill my cart. I have also been known to throw my hands in the air and eat out for an entire week because I am downright sick of meal planning and grocery shopping and COOKING! Especially on a budget and special diet plan (And picky children) And now, before I admit anything else about myself and shame myself for all eternity, I will move on.

You know what? Those failings, that weakness, those insecurities are exactly what God uses and has used in my life to bring me to rock bottom to a place where I depend 100% on HIM! Where I cry out on my knees in desperation, " I can't do this! HELP!" I have been struggling the most recently with settling on some specific structures for raising my kids...OVERWHELMING! But God gave me this verse "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2 I knew immediately I had to drop everything and focus on one thing. Spending time with the Lord in His word and in prayer. "But when can I meet with you Lord? When can I hear you? I have three babies who keep me awake at night and running all day long, I am sleep deprived, stressed, foggy." You know what answer I got? "My Grace is sufficient for you. Not sleep or time or clear brain but my Grace" You know what else He said? "Wake up EARLY. *gasp* "But LORD! How can I? Don't you see how my kids are already up by 6am and I am so tired I could barf? Ok Lord, I trust you." 5am I am up, 5:10 my kids are up. That was a discouraging bust. The next day I sleep in. The next? I am wide awake at 3am convicted to get up. "But 3am is ABSURD! Just one more hour Lord" I slept in again. "Ok wake me again tomorrow morning and I promise I will get up" 4am, I get up. GUYS! I have been up at FOUR AM the past 3 mornings and I have enjoyed time with the Lord I can only remember from years ago! It is SWEETER than I remember! God's word is LIFE! I am not always very good at demonstrating passion outwardly in public, in front of others, its something I pray the Lord change in me, but I can write with PASSION! I am so so very very BLESSED by our awesome, magnanimous (Homeschool word) GOOD GOOD God who KNOWS me! He CARES for me and the details of my life! And its ME! Me and my weaknesses! ME who's 4 year old still sleeps in bed with her probably because of some show I let him watch. ME! And you know what else? He is bringing answers. Of course the whole world and all its problems have not been solved in the 3 mornings I have risen to meet with my Lord but I have joy. Joy my kids see because I am filled with inspiration to tickle them instead of rolling my eyes and acting like a martyr. I have more courage that God is going to carry me through difficult days and tough decisions with His wisdom. The list goes on and on. Being filled to the brim with the Holy Spirit and His power is more freeing and satisfying then any bar of chocolate (Though chocolate is still amazing!) He is faithful to His promises to give wisdom and peace that transcends all understanding and its because of the Holy Spirit and His work that I want to LOVE my sisters in Christ (and brothers too!) To LOVE and not compare! To encourage in and be blessed by the unique way God has gifted them. Rejoice when they rejoice and mourn when they mourn and respect each in a manner worthy of the image we each bear, the image of God Himself as we are learning about in ladies study. I for one know I need to be challenged by those who are thriving. It challenges me not to settle for good when I can strive for the best!

I think this ties in with what Steve taught about last week or maybe it was the week before on Matthew 12 part three of De-Church, about living in unity with each other. Practicing those gifts God gave us and not being jealous of someone else gift or thinking higher then we ought of ourselves. If you missed it, Listen to it. The whole series really! All the teachings are on the website: www.creeksidemac.com

I am not eloquent or a person of many words. I felt inspired and I am home alone with a sleeping sick infant while the rest of my family is at church and the words just sort of lept onto the page. I just pray and trust that this will bless or encourage someone, whomever the Lord had in mind when He inspired the words. I encourage you to not dwell on comparisons. I have been in the place where I have let that insecurity breed bitterness in my heart and I became a very ugly person inside and unkind and downright mean to others which leaves a lasting mark and risks unhealed and damaged relationships.  Jealousy and envy are a cancer to our unity in the body! I am going to continue by Gods Grace to rise early with Him and enjoy that sweet time of fellowship with Him and I encourage you to do the same because the answers YOU are looking for and the comfort or peace or whatever you are seeking rest in Him and He is faithful to meet us where we are at when we surrender all and just lay at the foot of the cross in humility and let Him work...even if you have to rise at 4am!

Oh, and I feel I should mention 2 things: 1. The author of the blog gave me permission to post about it, lol and 2. A very real blessing that has come from my quiet time with the Lord BESIDES an new overwhelming love for Him! Is that now, I end my day feeling like it went much more 'right' then ending in utter failure. He really does give us the strength and ability to obey all he asks of us in his word which humanly is impossible but with Christs power is absolutely possible!! Which begs me to also mention that part of why the day goes more "right" is that the Lord is revealing things I was expecting of myself He simply was not expecting of me. I could probably write a whole new post about all He is teaching me through this journey of mothering 3 little boys but we'll leave that to the Holy Spirit opening another bracket of time and giving me words.

Ok, Done for now and not a moment too soon! the family just got home!!