My 1-year-old woke up at midnight, daddy decided to let him cry it out. My 4-year-old who was actually sleeping in his own bed woke up because of his brothers crying and so came to bed with us leading to the 3 month-old waking up from all the commotion and wouldn't stop screaming til I nursed him. All I could think about was how many more nights of this was I going to have to survive? Why can't my 1 year-old stay alseep at night? How was this interrupted sleep going to effect my day because the 4 year-old stayed awake with me as long as the 1 year-old was crying (so back to sleep a couple HOURS later)and would probably need a nap at some point during the day which really did not fit in well with my "plan" As I pondered these questions I started to become very frustrated. Frustrated that all I wanted was to sleep at night and actually feel rested and like a normal functioning human during the day. I would take just 4 hours of straight sleep over the broken up 7 that translate to me catching an hour here a few minutes there and then a couple more before time to wake up for my "quiet time"I started thinking about how betrayed I was feeling that my last few mornings in the word and prayer were not nearly as exciting inspiring or exhilaratingly (not a word, but whatever) close to God as those first few and as a result, my days were not as thrilling. My days were real hard. Filled with the holy Spirit? Yes. Easy? Absolutely not! Feelings of total inadequacy and a wee bit of caos? Yep. And even moments I had to wonder if my sweet children were Satans demons out to destroy me...bein real here folks. Guys, I even straight up lied to someones face about something extremely stupid trying to make myself feel better about how little control I have over my life and had to go back and CONFESS! Can I get any lower? (The part where I actually confessed is the sign of the Holy Spirit let me tell ya. Would not have done THAT walking in the flesh!) Well anyway, my eyes came across this little devotion for the day in "my utmost for his highest" that I will just go ahead and post because I am sure we all could benefit and you can see how the Lord answered part of my musings.
ary things of
life, and that is where we have to prove our stamina and strength. Yet
our spiritual selfishness always wants repeated moments on the mountain.
We feel that we could talk and live like perfect angels, if we could
only stay on the mountaintop. Those times of exaltation are exceptional
and they have their meaning in our life with God, but we must beware to
prevent our spiritual selfishness from wanting to make them the only
time.
We are inclined to think that everything that happens is to be turned into useful teaching. In actual fact, it is to be turned into something even better than teaching, namely, character. The mountaintop is not meant to teach us anything, it is meant to make us something. There is a terrible trap in always asking, “What’s the use of this experience?” We can never measure spiritual matters in that way. The moments on the mountaintop are rare moments, and they are meant for something in God’s purpose.
We are inclined to think that everything that happens is to be turned into useful teaching. In actual fact, it is to be turned into something even better than teaching, namely, character. The mountaintop is not meant to teach us anything, it is meant to make us something. There is a terrible trap in always asking, “What’s the use of this experience?” We can never measure spiritual matters in that way. The moments on the mountaintop are rare moments, and they are meant for something in God’s purpose.
Lots still on my heart and mind but GOD IS SO GOOD! Blown away by how He speaks to us! And He is so good, I even feel a wee bit of exhileration admist the plight that is another sleep deprived day.
Peace ya'll, I'm out!
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